The Young, Saved, and Fly

In reply to an interesting blog written called “The House of Jaded Women” by Ms. Chianne Greer.

It’s not an impossibility or cosmic joke to have the love or things in your life that you want and deserve. The biggest issue we have as young people especially young black people is that we take God out of the decision making process when it comes to dating and we certainly remove the friendship component.

We jump to intimacy too soon bypassing the true “getting to know you” step that is so necessary in relationships. Proverbs says that “There are friends who destroy each other but a real friend sticks closer than a sibling.” In relationships how often have you had the destructive person in your life?   The litmus test is when the person sticks by you no matter what. The true person who loves you will propel you to purpose and help you reach your God-given destiny while the wrong one will distract you and dissuade you from it. There are some people who feel as if they aren’t married by a certain age that their life is incomplete and they become jaded to the possibility of real happiness.   As young men and women and even not so young men and women we must let that jaded mentality go.  For the ladies you’re not an old maid at 27,29,33,35, or 38 and although it may seem impossible to believe there are some nice single brothers out here looking for “Mrs. Right too”… Just remember all things happen in God’s time and not your own… Be faithful and remember that you don’t know the plans God has for you but He has plans to prosper you, not harm you, give you the hope and future you deserve.

The focus should be on God and the work he has for you to do and everything else will fall into place.  If you do things in good measure you’ll be blessed with the great things God has for you.  Funny thing is do we have to stop giving God a grocery list cause all the things we want may not be best for us. They key is asking God for the best He has for us! God knows what you need and when you need it…

~jb~

I was in church yesterday and a lady walked up to me randomly and said, “Young man you’re going to make a young woman a good husband some day.”  I smiled thanked her and walked away.  When I got into my car I thought about that statement and first thought if she only knew the growing I had to do to be the man I am now or had the ability to see my past and the mistakes I’ve made with women over time.  You see it’s interesting because in front of her I look good on paper.  I have a good job, nice car, home, dress well and she sees me at church on Sunday’s singing in our young adult choir.  I’m always respectful and I honor my family so I know to most motherly types I look the son-in-law part.  I thought if she only knew what was required for me to get to this place in my life.  The struggles or finding my way, immaturity of youth, and basic growing pains have been lessons that I’ve continually applied and watching my father operate as a man who loves God has helped me become the person I am now.  I continued to think what does it mean to be a good husband.

Let’s examine that statement.  I can tell you for certain that in my last relationship I wouldn’t have earned that title because God was really transforming me in many areas.  I think it’s because in order to be a “good’ husband you have to be a great man and we as young men take time to really understand what being great means.  For a long time I believed it was based on accomplishments and the things I owned but I was wrong.  It’s about submitting yourself to Christ to be used for His purpose.  Great men and women do that and they die to their flesh daily in order to pursue God’s will.  Christ outlines in many texts the requirements he has for us as Christian men.  We need to love Him fully and honor him as Lord of our lives not just respect and acknowledge him as savior but allow him to lead.  As men we must be God led. In order to be a “good’ husband you have to lead but do so in a Christ-like manner.    Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.”   In order to be a great man you have to sacrifice some things and be willing to put your wants second of that of those you love.  As a husband you certainly must do that for your wife.  That does not mean you can’t dream or have vision but it does mean that the needs of those you love supercede your own and those dreams are put on hold but remember delay does not mean denial.   Think about every great man in history and the personal sacrifice they made to be great.  Martin Luther King gave his life for equality and justice and President Barack Obama has dedicated his life to service and making the lives of the American people better.  This type of sacrifice is the same a great man makes for his family, his friends and God.  If you can do this as a man when God bring you the woman that will be your wife you will surely be ready to do the same.  Personally that’s something I’ve learned recently. God has shown me that this life I lead isn’t about my accomplishments but moreover what I accomplish for him.

An Excerpt from Wendell Miller’s “Marriage Roles in Biblical Balance

Inserting the meaning of “agape,” we paraphrase: “Husbands, each of you must dedicate yourself to your wife and to her good. You must purpose and do those things that are best for her, whether you like her or not, no matter how she treats you, even if it kills you, just as Christ dedicated Himself to the church and gave His life for it” (Eph. 5:25).

We can find further light on the husband’s role in marriage by considering the thirteenth chapter of 1 Corinthians. As we read “charity” or “love” we need to understand that God is speaking of “agape” love.

Agape love does not seek its own–it is not selfish (1 Cor. 13:5). Instead, agape love is directed toward the good of the other person. Therefore, for a husband to love his wife in accordance with God’s command in Ephesians 5:25, he must unselfishly dedicate himself to doing what is best for his wife.

Agape love is not puffed up–it is not proud (1 Cor. 13:4). A husband is not loving his wife as God has commanded him to do if he is so proud that he will not let his wife have a thought or an opinion that does not agree with his.

Now I must admit over the course of my relationships and life I’ve been a proud man. In my last relationship I probably hit the pride wall head first at 80mph.  I was raised with the belief that you should be proud of who you are and where you come from.  I come from strong men and women and I honor that fact.  I believe that’s a great lesson and true, but when you allow it to go from honoring where you came from to hindering you from where you could go it’s an issue.  See personally I let pride stop me from asking for help and telling those closest to me, “I need you.”  Great men grow stronger in weakness.  Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:10, “that is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  As a good husband you have to have the ability to do be strengthened in weakness and allow the woman God sends you to help you.

Great men operate with wisdom as do great husbands.  If a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, he will allow her, give her opportunity, and encourage her, to develop as a godly and competent woman in the home, in the church, and in the community.

Wendell E. Miller contends that Proverbs 31:10-31 speaks of the wife of many virtues. This woman heard of a field that was for sale, she considered its worth, and she bought it (vs. 16). God commended this wife. What about the husband? Since God was pleased with her, she had not done this contrary to her husband’s will. Instead, we can assume that he was encouraging her, and God was pleased with him, too.  Imagine this in your relationship. You have the ability to build with someone beyond relationship. Great men do this and look to their wives for help in every area.  In the same text we read that “Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land” (verse 23).  Apparently, her reputation, and his reputation for his wisdom in using her skills and talents, had led him to a place of leadership in the community–he sat at the gate as one of the rulers.

If a man is wise, he will take his wife as a full partner and help her develop her talents. If he really loves her, as opposed to considering her as a possession to serve his every desire, he will dedicate himself to helping her develop as a godly woman great men and great husbands look to build with the woman God has provided.

I could continue and talk about the many of areas like, worship, finances, and many more but I think the continual theme is that great men who become great husbands understand that God must be at the head of everything.  If that’s in order you will see all the other areas fall in place.  Kindness, humility, honesty, openness, sincerity, and leadership  all fall under living for God.  As a man I must apologize to the women I’ve been in relationships with especially my last relationship because truth be told… God was working on me like never before.  At the same time I’m thankful for that experience because it’s helped shape the man I’ve become.  Having my dad as a constant example and reminder to snap me back on course is a blessing as well.  It’s still very interesting though because I know that despite having a great example in my dad, all my failures, successes, and experiences in relationships were necessary to bring me to this point.  So I guess the lady was right but it’s taken time, God changing my thoughts on some things,  and a lot of prayer to get me here.  I’m interested in hearing your thoughts…   Please Share…

Be Young, Saved and Fly

Jeff

I read this quote the other day. It said,  ”A woman’s heart should be so in tune with God’s that a man should have to chase Him to have her.”  I liked this quote so much that I really thought about it and expanded upon it. I said,

“I do know this.. the woman I marry will believe in God more than she believes in anything else, including me. She’ll love God more and she’ll believe in His ability to heal, trasform, restore and perform miracles. I know that and I know she’ll recognize that as I chase after God, I’m chasing after her.”

I then began to think about relationships I’ve had in the past.  See I’ve been doing this thing so terribly wrong.  First, although I always look for Christian women, I think I’ve allowed the exercising of that faith to be a far too individual act.  We may have occasionally gone to church together but that’s not enough. In building a solid relationship God needs to be at the very center.  In the future I’d like to pray with the person I’m with and make an effort to keep God thoroughly ingrained in the very fabric of the relationship.  As the man it’s my duty to lead and I will make the effort to discuss God and the Word in any relationship I may have in the future.

Second, I think I’ve worked far to hard at not necessarily chasing but trying to impress or win over the individual I was dating.  The one ting that I love about that quote is that it’s so God-Centered.  The idea that a woman would recognize and respect me chasing God as me trying to win her heart is something that is honestly a new concept to me.  It’s opposite the worldly way we are told you date someone.  So often we try hard to win or impress them with who we are that we at times forget our purpose here on earth and that’s to wholly and fully serve God.  Well in the future in a relationship I will love God with all my heart and all my mind and I will not LEAN ON MY OWN UNDERSTANDING but always acknowledge him.

I also think that I’ve expected the women I’ve dated to far too often believe in me.  Now I think having support and faith in someone is important, but I want her to believe in Him so strongly, with me, that our belief in each other is innately tied together in the fact that the God we serve is too great to let either of us down.  That the act of our faith together will be enough to pull us through anything.   This is part one and I’m still wrapping my head around this but.. it’s a start.. . Stay Sharp

I’ve been to and in over 12 weddings in the last year and a half and I’m very happy for all my friends. I pray them great favor over their lives and marriages. First let me state that I think marriage is a wonderful thing. I have the rare privilege to state that I’ve had the best example of a successful marriage I could ever imagine, my parents. They’ve been married 30 years and although everything hasn’t been perfect they have have been a perfect example of a God-centered relationship between a husband and wife.

I guess that’s why I have taken my time and will continue to do so. I want God to lead and direct me in all my decisions including this one. I understand that a wife, for me, will be the key component in me achieving a large part of God’s purpose over my life so I definitely don’t want to rush it. I walk by faith; God has always been very specific in the moves he’s wanted me to make. So I’m certain that this too will happen in His time and at His discretion.

Most people have assumed that because of my past relationships I would have been married by now and when women meet me they usually wonder why I’m not already married (like 29 is old or something, lol) but I operate in faith and when you do that you truly try not to make any decision without God’s guidance especially life altering ones. I think people have taken God out of this decision. Many have put temporal constraints on marriage like it’s a rent-to-own lease. You know, “we’ve dated for 2 or 3 years so now it’s time” but it doesn’t work like that if you operate faithfully. I don’t think it takes forever but there are outside circumstances that make the relationship development progression different from couple to couple. If you are in a relationship don’t let any outside source convince you that you should progress to marriage without prayer and a Word from the Lord.

Obviously there is a component missing in marriage and that decision to get married. That’s why so many end in divorce. I truly believe we allow the emotion of love and sometimes even infatuation interfere with the spiritual guidance of the holy spirit. That must change. We have to rely on God to move us in this important covenant with another person.

Personally, almost all of my close friends’ parents have been married for 30-45 years and they have been great examples of making it work through trials, triumph, and tribulation.. I want that.